No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
