PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
