In America we eat man semen.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
