She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
