It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'd cum for enchiladas.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
