i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
