I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
