If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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