I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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