Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
