Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
