my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
