in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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