I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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