i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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