i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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