I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
