Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
