My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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