By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
