I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
