In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
