i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
