i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
