Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
