At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
