I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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