I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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