i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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