Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
