she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
