my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
