i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
