..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
