I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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