the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
