Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
