What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
