I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
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spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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