weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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