i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
