I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We need a shit load of segways right now
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
