Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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