Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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