I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
