we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
