Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
