I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
