Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
