hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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