i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
