we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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