theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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