i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
