So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
