last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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